We are now approaching the 10 month mark in our separation. I have not yet persued an end to the relationship, in my state you have to be separated a year first anyway. I guess the optimist in me is also hoping he will come to his senses. I did not implement the weekly dinners and I have not tried to organize any type of "family" time between AH and our daughter. We have hardly seen him, but I get a phone call nearly every morning with practically the same plea. It goes something like this:
AH: I miss you and love you so much and I need your help. I'm all alone and I can't do this by myself.
Me: I just want you to take care of yourself and take responsibility for your problems and work on fixing them.
AH: I'm not worth doing it for myself. I need your help.
Me: I have exhausted my abilities to help you. Nothing I have ever tried has worked. It is now up to you to fix your problems. If you can't help yourself there is nothing that anyone else can do for you.
AH: We both know how that is going to work out.
Me: Take your meds (he is on 10-12 different ones for physical and mental issues). Go see your doctors (medical and psychiatrist). Go to AA where there is a room full of people who can relate to your issues and help you through them. If you put yourself on the road to recovery there is a better chance of things working out between us, otherwise there is no chance at all.
AH: I'm not worth doing it for myself. I need your help.
.....
You get the idea. I only answer the phone because I know from experience he will only keep calling until he reaches me then claim that he was just worried about me. He also comments each time that he knows I won't be calling him. And I don't unless it is absolutely necessary.
My daughter's counseling seems to be going well. I think she looks forward to going and they are working on her ability to express her feelings to me since she has a really hard time telling me what is going on in her head. She misses him like crazy. He made an appearance at her ball game a few nights ago and she lit up. But then he left early and I watched her beautiful little face just fall. She was with me when I signed the year long lease on our rental, and now keeps asking if we are going to be moving back in with Daddy when the year is up. It is hard to get her to understand that in all likelyhood that is not going to happen.
Thank you to everyone that responded to my previous post here. I still continue to hope that the way I am handling things is the "right" way, but I am sticking to my guns. Any comments, suggestions, insights or similar experiences and how you dealt with them are truly appreciated!