its almost as if I drink as I cannot deal with my emotions
Ditto, that is exactly why I drank, and why at the age of 12 I latched onto alcohol as though it were my saving grace. Only for it to finally punch me into submission many years later. Also like you my problem progressed in quantity and strength. If you want to knock it on the head for once and for all stay with this forum. There's great support to be found here. Get in the center of the lifeboat and hunker down.