After last week, and the confusion I felt after taking the roxy, I kind of felt like I had been abandoned, and unwelcome. I felt like I didn't belong here. Part of me understood, part of me hurt, and part of me got ticked off, lol. I guess what it boils down to is this: I believe in myself. I believe I am beating this thing. The most important thing I know is that I do not want to be in a hole somewhere, curled up, hating life, going through w/d and praying for a phone call for more drugs. I'll NEVER do that again. I can't imagine how I made it so long doing that month after month.
Yesterday wasn't horrible; I was really busy and didn't have time to wallow around, but if I had been able to lay around, I really would have had a bad day yesterday. The sad part was that I wanted to post about how I felt yesterday but I was afraid some of you would blame the roxy I took and not hear ME. So I just shut up and stayed busy. Today was beautiful! We had a family BBQ, and I got to see my brother and sister, and play with my kids and my niece and nephews.
It was truly nice to be sober and to really get true joy from all the kids. I took tons of pictures today, which I used to do all the time before I started spending all my time high. The things that used to interest me are slowly becoming interesting again. Everyone is commenting about how good I'm looking and how nice it is to see me smiling again. It's really nice to have that reassurance that I'm doing the right thing and people are noticing - even if they don't really know what they are noticing! I hope everyone else had a wonderful weekend. I hate to tell you this...
...but MONDAY is coming.
