Welcome Fitzy! Congratulations on wanting a better life.
You'll find a lot of support, hope, and encouragement here. It's a great place with helpful people from all over - who really understand what you're going through.
I got so tired of trying to manage it. In the end, it was never fun - just brought me misery and despair. There's nothing in it for us when we reach that point - it feels great to be free of it.