8 months today
Hi all
Its been awhile since I last posted. I do come buy and try to keep up with you all. Celebrating my eight months today. Many things have change, I have change. For those who don’t know me I came to this site eight months ago. For over three years I was addicted to pain meds and alcohol. I reach out for help and found this site. Exactly what I needed to connect with other Addicts that know the pain and suffering of addiction. Well it wasn’t long after coming to this site the pieces started falling into place. It was ask of me if I was willing to go to any length for recovery, if I was ready to surrender. Deep inside Yes it was time. I admitted that I was powerless over my addiction, that my life had become unmanageable. Today I am working on the 5 step.
Putting the pieces back together, not in my life but in my mind. In the past I put the pieces together back in my life, only to lose control again. I was sick and tired of having a dysfunctional relationship with my self and that had to change. I know the future is not in my control and I know that I am doing all of the seed planting and footwork that my recovery plan is prompting me to do. I am Free to relax and enjoy life because the Spirit is guiding me. I am passionately Alive in a way that I could never have imagined.
Today I need to be able to recognize what I need to function as a healthy adult, and strive to take care of my basic needs. The program of recovery teaches me to take one-day-at-a-time. That is the only way I can stay focused on the here and now. I can't change the things that happened to me yesterday, and tomorrow is still an unknown. All I have is today that I can actually do anything about.
Recovery is really about getting in touch with myself, which is difficult and sometimes painful. Because in the past I wasn't used to paying attention to my inner self. I learned long ago how to easily bury those feelings. But I count as a person, and so do each and every one of us. We deserve to take good care of ourselves and learn how to feed and nourish that inner self. Taking care of ourselves is a matter of making sure our needs are met, especially emotionally. It's a matter of showing respect to ourselves and letting us feel our feelings so that we can be who we are, instead of what we think other people want us to be.
Working on my 4 step I discovered the void the emptiness in my soul. The emptiness that’s been missing for 32 years. I am learning that I am the one who decides how I feel about myself. And the less I rely on others for it, the better I am able to discover who I really am. I continue my journey on the steps of recovery, I become so much aware of my feelings, my inner strengths and my higher power. The only instruction I need for living a rich life are the 12 Steps. If I live by these one day at a time, I will find peace and serenity within myself.
If you are knew or your coming back to recovery. Discover who you really are. For the folks here at SR thanks for the support you have given me. Though I haven’t post for quite awhile I still come by and catch up on all the miracles. I would like to wish everyone a happy and sober holidays.
Timebuster