Taking5 and Coraltint: Thank you both for your kind words and encouragement. Even if it scares me a little I feel relief thinking about complete sobriety rather than the constant worry and obsession I would have with alcohol when, unsuccessfully, trying moderation. I can't attend any social occasion without feeling anxious about alcohol, wanting to drink, allowing myself to drink, while knowing deep down any enjoyment I experience will be destroyed in the end and I will wake up anxious, if lucky in my own bed... Lately I started drinking on my own, calling up friends or, in the worst cases, a man I am interested in, just to wake up and check my call list in panic not remembering anything I said. I feel I have many things I should be grateful for, that if I managed to be sober I could lead a good life, but it is as if I am trying to sabotage for myself. Sorry for the long reply, once I've started talking about this it all seems to come at once. I wish you both all the best, stay in touch!