Thank you all so very much for your kind replies, I really appreciate it.
Melissa: Thank you for the recommendation of the April group, I will definitely join. Well done for quitting. I decided to quit on Wednesday, when I woke up and didn't remember how I made it back home and into my bed. The last thing I remember is having a drink in a bar, on my own, when I was supposed to walk back home after dinner with a friend. I feel my drunk person and sober person are two different individuals, and even though I am never aggressive (only self destructive), I feel a lot of shame. The worst thing is not remembering and being completely out of control. I am grateful I am still alive, could easily be hit by a car or drink myself to death as I don't stop until I pass out. I wish you all the best and I hope we can stay in touch.
Wiscsober: Thank you for the encouragement, I am very happy to hear you experience happiness when sober. I am currently looking into CBT therapy, to treat underlying issues as well, but have heard good things about AA and will consider this option too. All the best to you and do stay in touch!
Nonsensical and 24hrsaday: Thank you for your encouragement. I think quitting completely is my only option. I feel I've reached a point where I've run out of options, and fear for my wellbeing and my social and professional life. One day at a time,.. Best of luck and stay in touch!