That sounds just exactly like my story. Except I did begin drinking almost every 4th or 5th day as the disease progressed. But the blackouts ,feelings of shame and remorse, all the same as yours.
I had been drinking for so many years, when I finally did attempt sobriety, I felt much like you do now. About how when I was sober, I wasn't happy. The truth of that for me is that I numbed myself so long, I didn't remember what normal felt like, was.
I'm beginning my sober journey once again too. I tried to moderate as well. It never worked for me. Since I had almost 2 months or so on last try, a lot improved. My health 1st, my relationships even tho still not as they should be, by my being sober I was able to deal with them better.
I've been using AA on occasion. Trying other methods here as well. This is a great place for support and advice. I hope you continue to want alcohol out of your life. The little bit of sober time I had was so much better then all the years I wasted being drunk. Good luck 2 you, and welcome!