Sobreia

Hi all,

I am an alcoholic. I don't drink every day, I can go weeks without drinking, but once I drink I cannot stop. I drink myself to oblivion, blackout, behave in ways that are not "me", endanger my health and life and feel incredibly shameful, anxious and devastated the day after. I am 31 years old, this has been going on since my early 20s, and it is getting worse with age. It has affected relationships and friendships.

I have tried to drink moderately, have more water, limit the number of drinks I have. The times I've succeeded drinking moderately over these past ten years I can count on one hand.

I feel I cannot experience happiness when sober, I long for that feeling I have after two or three glasses of wine, but it never stops there. I keep trying to convince myself that this time I can stop when I need to, just to be able to experience that feeling of light intoxication. I am aware of some of the reasons why I drink, but it is as if I have amnesia - a week or so after the last hangover I cannot recall how horrible I felt, or I just downplay it. I feel that my mental capacity, memory etc, has been negatively affected in general.

I feel that staying away from alcohol completely might be easier than trying to learn how to drink moderately, it just doesn't work for me.

I am here because I feel there is no one who understands me, everyone I know can drink moderately, and I envy them. I need some practical advice (don't want to do AA as I am not religious), and support when I am feeling weak and in danger of having a drink. Would love to hear recovery stories, how did you do it, can you experience happiness again, what improvements in your lives have you seen?

All the best,
S