Originally Posted by
Santa 
So sorry you are going through this. It is difficult to detach while living with an alcoholic - in my case it was impossible, because when he was drunk, he would not leave me alone. He was either following me around trying to pick an argument, or I would lie in bed listening to him crash around downstairs and dread when he would decide to come upstairs. The only relief I got was when it became quiet and I realized he had passed out in his chair, and in the mornings when he was sleeping it off.
It's no way to live. We separated 2 years ago after 20 years of marriage and by that time it was a huge relief. I wish I hadn't waited so long.
This is so familiar to me, because that is what my dad would always do (and STILL does) he will follow my mom around and I would stay in my room until the banging and crashing sounds stopped, then I knew it was safe to come out. My mom is still married and living with him to this day. Over 30 years now, maybe close to 40 years. I can't believe it. So yeah I still have to deal with THAT mess, plus my own mess at my own home (not quite as bad but still nothing I want to be around).