Welcome Darrell! I was desperate and miserable when I joined here, too. Life was passing me by. I found so many people like me here at SR - that I didn't feel alone anymore. They gave me the courage and support I needed to make the big change to a sober life. I drank for 30 yrs. and now have 5+ sober.
You can stop the unhappiness and trapped feeling you're experiencing now. You don't have to accept that old, sick way of life. We're glad you're here with us - you can do this, Darrell.