LMN, "Awakenings," describes it very well. My bf has been doing well with Subs and intensive outpatient therapy. Sometimes, I start to worry--what if things go back the way they were? Bf plays with the idea of getting off the Subs now. Then, he says he will stay in them for awhile.
When I start worrying about what he's doing, I ask what is going on with me? What important thing am I avoiding? What in my own life do I need to be focusing on? It goes back to what I can and cannot change. I think I use worrying about him as a diversion for when I should be looking at my own stuff. I don't know if that makes sense.
As you know, regarding your AH's recovery, he has a path he needs to follow. I know you want him to figure it out now, but he needs to learn his own lessons. It's hard to watch from a distance, but it's one of those things out of our control.
Thanks for sharing the broken glass story. I have a hard head, too!