Alcohol and drugs manipulated my perception of fun. It was like this:
Come home from work, drink to relax, then miss the whole relaxation point, move directly to buzzed, drunk actually, start fights with my dh or seduce him in hopes of him not realizing how wasted I would be. And at some point in there, I would talk to peeps on the phone or text people and have zero recollection of what I said. Fun? No!! Exhausting and emotionally ripping myself apart inside yes!!!!! Embarrassing yes!!!!
And on the nights I would go out with my friends, I would pre game at home, get wasted while out and never remember the ride home. Pathetic! Some times I would even pass out in the bar. Super fun.
I am hands down so happy that life is behind me. I never have to face those demons again if I don't want to. It's so freeing, and way more fun!
Check your statistics.... They seem a bit off balance. Truly whole heartedly reevaluate you fun/hell ratio. You may be surprised.