The remaining 1% is a dark and very scary place. Blacking out, vomiting, harassing women, fighting, OD'ing on amphetamines, OD'ing on alcohol, etc, etc...
I've been there. I last went there
about a month ago. I'll go there again if I keep at it, not kidding myself about
that anymore.
But 99% is like last night. Easter day party. Hammered and stoned but still in control. We played volleyball indoors (we were all pretty hammered and stoned). Made vague plans to go see a movie with a friend tonight, and I know that's going to turn into a pub crawl if it happens. I'm hoping he forgot the conversation (there's at least a 50-50 chance). I'd rather relax and order me some chinese, to be honest...
To be less cryptic, I relapsed last night, had an absolute blast and it's affected my resolve quite a bit. And I was pretty low on that to begin with.
The rational part of me really DOES want to walk away while it's still mostly fun, but there's another part of me that has a different agenda. Not sure how I deal with that.