Thanks for all your comments. I just found them today. You'll be glad to hear I'm clean 25 days. I have learned so much. After taking a real look at my life I saw that for 40 years I had been taking something or another to take me outside myself. I learned about the disease and about addicts. I learned that the little voice that has been egging me all these years was the disease talking to me. It robbed me of my present moments. I kept my attention on when I would be able to use next. I got on the internet and researched, researched, researched. So glad I found you.