Originally Posted by
m1k3 
Boundaries are for you. You don't have to tell anybody what your boundaries are.
A good example is "I will not ride in a car where I know the driver has been drinking." You don't have to tell anyone, if someone you think has been drinking offers you a ride all you have to say is "no, thank you".
^^^^^This!^^^^^
Once I truly learned that boundaries are MINE and are about ME, my world opened up. I'm usually a quick study, but this has been a hard one to grasp. I don't have to communicate my boundaries to anyone if I don't want to.
If you do want to communicate your boundary about his recovery efforts, then you can phrase it with an I statement: "I will not continue to live long term with someone who is not actively working on recovery." Hell, say it to yourself first. Try it on, see how it feels. Once you believe it, then it is safe to communicate it to him, either with your words or your actions.
As far as house rules & whatnot...oof. There should be some level of mutual respect in any household, and the price of not having that mutual respect between you goes up when there is a child in the house. I don't have kids, but I do know is that kids absorb a LOT. They're sponges. They hear more than we think and they learn things we don't want them to. (Hell, even my DOG is affected by stress and fighting in the household!)
Have you heard of post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS)? Not to excuse bad behavior, but there is a possibility that the mood swings and whatnot are symptoms of PAWS. If he's been sober for over a year, the likelihood is less than if it were just a couple or few months, but there are some people who continue to feel symptoms of PAWS for 6 months to a year or more. Again, not making an excuse for bad behavior, but it could possibly explain the moodiness and excessive emotion/sensitivity.