CAgirl9

Hi!
I've read the stickies about boundaries and its great info. There is a lot to process! I understand setting a boundary is communicating consequences for unacceptable behavior. Where I'm stuck or need help is figuring out what the consequences are. I understand what behavior is unacceptable to me.

RAH and I barely communicate and he's threatened me multiple times with divorce. I agreed to move forward with that threat and suggested we make an appt with an attorney then RAH backs off and sz he's waiting for me to get a job then he'll file for seperation. It seems he's just trying to control me with his threats. I've communicated to him to stop with the threats. I don't know what to say as a consequence if he continues threatening me with divorce? The only thing I can think of to say is that I will file for divorce. Any suggestions?

RAH is also very cold to me and is usually very short with me when we do talk face to face. I would like to set a boundary about how he treats me but again not sure what to say as a consequence. Suggestions?

It doesn't seem like RAH is really working a program of recovery. I would like to set a boundary that comminucates I will not stay in this relationship unless he starts seeing a therapist/counselor or enters some intense recovery program. I don't want to try to control him but I just can't live like this anymore. Is that a fair boundary? How should I phrase it?

I would also like to set house rules about how we treat each other and basics like greeting everyone when you come home, etc. Am I asking for too much? Should I take baby steps? I would very much appreciate any suggestions on consequences - it feels to me the only consequence I have at this point is divorce.