Thanks all for the replies. Stella, you are perceptive, I am exhausted, physically and emotionally, by this whole thing. I am very much looking forward to the break while she is away, I am just sick of talking about it, sick of dealing with it, and just so unwilling to give it much more of my energy, it has just sucked the life force out of me. I had an epiphany the other day as I was driving - it was a beautiful spring day in Texas, and I realized I was consumed by thinking about this awful situation and what I needed to do, when I thought to myself - I am in the time of life when I should be changing gears and enjoying it, not spiraling into misery over my spouse's drinking. Into every life some rain must fall, to be sure, but I so much feel now that this is not my battle, and I need to set limits on how much it will affect me.
There are times when I am grateful that she is not as overtly destructive and downright awful as some of the others I read about here, but I also realize that they are talented at knowing just exactly what we are willing to tolerate, so that is truly a two edged sword. It is too easy to spend years just on the edge of one's tolerance limit - they seem to know just exactly they can get away with. So dandylion, I hear you completely on saying the right things being a red flag. After ten years of broken promises and lies, I am not going to take anything for granted.
Again, thanks.