I'm so very sorry for your loss as well. It seems we've all lost a loved one due to tragedy or addiction. I wish that never happened to you but it does make me feel like I'm not alone. Sometimes I get selfish and think I'm the only one who's had it rough. And yes the worst feeling ever is God abandoning you. I'm sitting in a church parking lot now asking God for answers.
Originally Posted by
Maylie 
I'm not sure the rights words to say, I wish I could come through the screen and give you a HUGE hug. Saying "I'm sorry" doesn't even come close to cutting it, but I am.
I lost my father suddenly, and I have had some times in my life where I felt god had abandoned me and it is prob. the worst feeling I have ever felt. Counseling does make a load of difference since sometimes we don't even realize what we are feeling until we go sit on that couch and start talking but they can spot it a mile away. I also found that going on an antidepressant helped (not saying you should just letting you know once I did things got a lot easier to manage).
All you can do is put your best foot forward and try to notice the little things. Looking at the big picture will seem so overwhelming, but it never hurts to stand outside and just notice the birds, or the wind, or read a book, literally ANYTHING to get your mind to stop spinning.
You're not alone, we're all here with you.