Dear Gebbster, think of it this way. We become damaged by living with the active alcoholic and we suffer terribly. They drink and we suffer. Even though alanon is for helping us, many angrily refuse to go: "Why should I go to a program when he is the one with the problem?!!" This is like a person who is struck by a car and suffers a broken leg---yet, refuses to go to the hospital because it was the CAR that caused it!
Someone posted this on this forum once---Regretfully, I don't remember who.
sincerely, dandylion