Jody
Not everyone can understand what it is like to lose someone very close to them in a sudden accident. The news of such an event can be quite a trauma...and you were only 20 years old. (I lost my father who also happened to be my business partner in a small aircraft accident....similar thing.....smooshed on a tarmack.....and I also felt abandoned.....left to handle the business without him while grieving. He was there one day...and gone the next.....and of course, the coroner would not allow us to see him.)
I think Al-Anon and Nar-Anon are great choices to help you heal from the trauma of addiction and it sounds like you have had plenty. I also sought individual counseling and found it extremely helpful.....I needed it.....and I would encourage you to do so if you haven't already. You may not have processed the grief from the loss of your dear brother and the grief is compounding with these others issues. Individual counseling was a great additional support for me to process my father's death and the confusion and anguish I had regarding the addicts in my life. My therapist and Nar-Anon helped me find "me" again.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear brother. The circumstances were very difficult.
Keep posting and get all of that toxic thought process out of you. When we don't, it eats us up from the inside out.
gentle hugs
ke