hi sunnshinegirl, welcome to SR, and sorry for what brought you here. My best advice to you would be to educate yourself. The F&F forum & stickies here are a great start. There's also Al Anon and Smart Recovery, and I highly recommend a film called "Pleasure Unwoven" (which you can find in full on YouTube) to get insight into the disease model of alcoholism. It's an ugly disease, I don't think I have to tell you that. Knowing more about it doesn't make it any less ugly, but having a better understanding and some tools has made me feel a little less crazy.
As much as we want to, we can't sway them with our words. A's will only change of their own accord. If he's not ready/willing to quit drinking and seek sobriety/recovery, then he's just not. But that doesn't mean that YOU can't seek your own recovery and peace. Believe me, I know it's hard to find that peace while living with an actively drinking A. You can find your own happiness and peace and joy. Take some healthy steps for you! Nourish yourself. Take care of yourself. Determine your own personal boundaries - "I statements" of what you want and what you are willing to have in your life/home. I'm not going to tell you what to do here - only you can decide that, and you don't have to decide it all now. There's the saying, "Don't just doing something, stand there!" If you're not ready to make a decision, then if you are safe and not in physical danger, then there's no harm in making the decision to NOT make a decision right now.
Just do what feels right for you. And know that you are not alone in your journey. There's plenty of folks here who have been down these roads before and can help act as tour guides along the way. Sending you strength, hope, and hugs.
