Trying to make me doubt myself...
My AH relapsed Wednesday last week after 9 months sober. Obviously I was distraught, however having been here once before I very quickly came to accept that this is happening. After all there is nothing that I can say or do that will make the slightest bit of difference.
My AH drank just one day and stayed sober. Until this week that is. My AH is doing his best to act normal but he has that era of sadness/guilt about him. Anyway he has had what he calls a 'cold' but yesterday I discovered an almost empty pack of sleeping pills in his bedside table. Having been here before my guess he is now doing cocaine.
As it is Easter weekend my mother is due to stay so I felt I had to confront him about this as I wont have him behaving that way in her company.
Of course he wont admit what he has been doing, apparently it is perfectly normal to take 10 sleeping tablets?? That they weren't hidden even though I found them one day and the next they were hidden under a book that he isn't reading, that he has a cold that mysteriously comes and goes ......
He is doing his best to make me doubt myself and in the past I probably would have but not now. I have been here too many times to know my gut feelings is very rarely wrong with him. I can't help but getting cross with him about it though. Not that he is doing cocaine, although I am hurt about that but I accept that the damage is done there and he will continue until he becomes so ill again that he has to stop. What I am cross about is that he just wont admit it and instead makes me out to be pyschotic!
Honestly the cheek of it sometimes!
While everyone is getting ready to enjoy a nice weekend, yet again mine is tainted by his selfish actions. I know he is ill but I also know that any 'addict' can stay sober if they choose too. Mine obviously doesn't!
After £12,000 spent on rehab I am pretty much sick of him now....