I often find myself feeling terrible after expressing my feelings. Most of the time it is because the person I've been talking with takes something I've said personnally when really it was not meant that way.
When they show irritation or discomfort as a reaction to my words, I feel that I should shut up. I think that it is my fault they feel bad, I should have said it differently or I should have been more compassionate or I should have not said anything at all. So I usually do shut up and then stew about it internally for hours afterwards. I feel that I should have done something different (it was my fault they felt that way) but at the same time I feel resentful that I cannot or should not talk about it - get it off my shoulders, express my feelings.
But lately, after learning more about my codependency problem, I've caught myself doing this - I've recognized it.
The last time it happened I was discussing a sensitive subject with my husband. After I recieved what I thought were the "shut up" cues he was giving me, I dropped the subject, I started to stew and I decided that this time I was going to do something about it. I decided that I did not want to bring it up again to him right away but I wrote down the thoughts I would have had during my days in "active" codependency and how I was starting to think that day. Basically it was a message that I should not talk with him about the subject because it makes him angry and irritated and that his feelings come before mine. Once I was done, I gave him the note titled "This is what I learned today while talking to my husband". He read it and responded with "This is why I have decided to start learning to do things differently. I don't want you to feel this way anymore."
I explained to him that those were the thoughts I have as a codependent and that I recognized it this time but wanted him to know how I felt about our conversation. I knew that it was not his fault that I felt that way, it was my problem. I had to deal with it and I did. I wrote a simple note, it helped me see the flawed thought process and how crazy it was. I felt immediately better and I did not stew a second longer. My power felt great!