Wow DD, you're story very similar to mine!! Im a functioning alcoholic. Although I have no issues with work or home life, I know alcohol will physically kill me if I dont stop. Im usually the drunkest at the party. Since my teenage years, I feel my identity has been defined by my drinking. I've done so many incredibly stupid things while drunk I can't even count. I quit for two months about 1.5 years ago. It was amazing! Then, of course, I said "what if?" Maybe I can be the select few problem drinkers who can learn to control their drinking. Lasted about 1-2 months. Then slowly, but surely spiraled back down to bad levels. At any rate, Im back again and I've been sober for about 8 days. I recently listened to an audiobook by Craig Beck called "Alcohol Lied to Me". I found it very helpful!! It doesnt have you use willpower to stop drinking, but "reprograms" your thinking to the concept of "why would you want to drink?". Im only 8 days in so I dont know the long term will work, but so far, so good! Might be worth a shot!
Good luck!!!