It's not clear if you or him have the drinking problem
Purely from a relationship level it's not about blame. I was in a very similar relationship with a man who was charm itself but so controlling. If there is no respect there is no point being together. I tried so hard to make him happy but was not happy with or within myself. It was very imbalanced and he was resentful and very much in control. Sound familiar? Put yourself and your children first. You can't control anything that he says or does but you can control what you do,what you are prepared to put up with and how you react to him. your son watching this will grow up thinking men can treat women with such disdain and no respect and women demean themselves. A relationship should be equal. When my relationship ended I regained self respect and learned to love and value myself. You'll probably find yourself respect comes back when he goes.