I guess Im wishing that I could get more understanding as to why my STBXRAH is in supposed recovery and from my view (and Im aware that it may not look like it from someone else view) is still such a mess.
Ive been pretty good the last few weeks...NC has made me feel not as desperate and full of anxiety and I think, helped me to see things clearer. For some reason today Im thinking how I just cant believe how all of this has played out...the affair, the way he walked out on my kids, the person he is today...which is NOTHING close to who he was while we were together for 20 yrs...the whole dog situation (for those of you who followed that horrible thread)
Theres no accountability from him, no empathy for anyones feelings, no remorse of any kind.
Is that recovery...everything Ive learned in Al anon is about owning what you have done..doing what you can to make it right..
good lord Im so sick of feeling like this...I just want to be happy again. I miss that man I was married to all those years and it feels like hes dead and gone, with out any of the understanding of friends for the pain you go through dealing with that.
I don't understand it at all...any of it...
but tomorrows another day right ???