The worst thing is that I'd be worrying about him going on a bender and then he DOESN"T go on a bender and I somehow believe that my worry prevented it.
In other words...
The worst thing for me in my recovery is that i get the false "proof" that my worrying or my pleading or my efforts prevented the "bad thing" from happening.
Very interesting and well put. I can't tell you how many times I worried that my son would die from his addiction. He was homeless. He was hanging out with very volatile people. And I would worry about it to the extent that I would plan his funeral in my head.....down to what he'd wear and what music to play.
Talk about some really cruel head games! And I was doing it to myself because I had not accepted that I was powerless. It was terrible! I was mourning someone who was still alive and living events in my head that hadn't happened!
Learning to let go of those thoughts (could be called a character defect) and asking God to remove those thoughts......accepting that I was powerless.......was critical to my own recovery.
Very very interesting topic. There is so much we don't control.....but living events that haven't occurred yet......we can work toward stopping this thought process. And it feels much better!
Good for you! Great Step One (Two and Three) work!
gentle hugs
ke