Oh dear wing!
When I lived with someone that "used" and "addict" it was very scary and very sick way to live. It got worse and worse. And people using do get worse and worse and they become what is called a addict in active addiction. When I was in that "hell on earth life" I thought it was all him and I was "ok". WRONG! I was not ok and needed help! I was and am codependant and have been affected by addiction. My thinking was "fogged"and I did not know how to live any other way than the way I was living. I knew I was sad and not happy and scared and obsessed with the man I loved that I had 2 kids with. I did not know how to change or how to help him or myself.
I went to alanon and found a way to change what I could and that was me! I found courage and strength to live a different way. A healthier way of life, it found tools to do that in meetings of the 12 step program called alanon! I got a understanding of the sickness of addiction and what it does to people who use drugs and alcohol regularly and how it affected me. I healed and made changes by learning how to think and live differently and found courage and strenthgh to do that.
I urge you to educate yourself about drug addiction and alcoholism and what it does to people we love and ourselfs. Most of all I encourage you and urge you to keep yourself in a safe, violent, drug free environment. Give yourself the opportunity to find peace and serenity and live a healither life, surround yourself with people that are living healthy lifes too.
There is so much you can learn about yourself going to a program like naranon and or alanon. It will and can change your life for the better. It wont happen over night, but slowly you will see and feel the miracle that can take place in you and your life.
Your bf has his own journey as do you. He may be a sweet kind person etc... when he is not in his using. But as I have seen and know the man I love gets buried by his choices to keep using and I see less and less of him. He becomes lost to his using/addiction. A different man appears, one that is selfish, angry, manipulative, uses people, lies, undependable, moody and the list goes on. That man is the man that is being controlled by his addiction and he is the one that I see most. It breaks my heart but I can't fix him or change him. I can pray for him and protect myself and our kids from the ulginess of addiction. I hope you can find a way to do the same. Until the addict chooses to stop using and chooses a recovery plan, things will get worse for them and anyone that is close to them.
Take care of you and let God take care of him. Focous on your life and how you want to live it. In constant chaos and violence, sadness, hurt, anger, frustration or in peace and serenity, happiness, safety? You have choices too! I will be praying for you and him!