I hear you , i had a similiar post ,Im a little older than you and also quit for 8 months some 3 years ago now , punched holes in walls ,threw others belongings out into the street ,held a knife to my neck asking people to go ahead and push it in ..yes its the alcohol and you gotta quit ,its tough at first , im only on day 11 after going 29,15 , 10 days already this year before binging for a few days , i feel like this is my last time and im gonna stick with it this time. I dont like being myself either ,staying in bed and cursing myself out all day ..it sucks ..and being sober is boring at the start , real boring ,but it beats being that jerk that scares your family and hating yourself ..stick it out ,those first 4-5 days are pure Hell ,and yes you will hardly sleep ,but after that initial hell the days start getting better ,hang tough