Stryped

Thought I've been sleepwalking. Did some stupid stuff. Four nights ago I ripped the sheets off the bed, told my wife she wasn't good enough to sleep there, flipped a coffee table over, cursed her up and down. I snapped out of it when I saw her on the ground wailing by the coffee table. Most of the time I don't snap out. This was the worst one. I am not a violent person. She said my 5 year old was clutching his teddy bear asking why I was yelling.

I love them. I'm a normal guy. I am successful. I punched a kid in defense when I was 14 - last time I was in a fight! What has happened?

Was that a blackout or sleep walking? I may have had 5-6 liquor drinks. I must have gotten out of my recliner after sleeping for an hour or so.

I am scared to death. I can't imagine my son going through that. My wife planned this huge weekend for my birthday. I can't even face her to tell her how much I don't deserve it and I really don't want to go.

I know, if I have to ask... Probably yes.

Is it the alcohol? I feel like I want to drink right now. I don't know why. It's wierd it's been 4 days now and I crave it like a cigarette.

Now I am an insomniac. Anyway. No more late night facebook posts I regret. No wondering if I did something bad. No humiliating events the last 4 nights.

This is going to be really tough. I'm 34 and I've been drinking since I was 17, every night. I quit for 8 months some 2 years ago.

I don't like being me anymore. I want to be someone respectable like my dad was, for my wife and children.

Anyway. Can't sleep. I probably sound like a whiney baby so I'll try to find something to do this late other than drink myself into a blackout if that's what is happening.