I know that feeling and that drive very well. the thought of not drinking filled me with dread. Once I got to the point where I would take what comes, I started to learn I could ride the urges, restlessness and compulsion to drink. Those things do wax and wane even in the first week when I was at my rawest.
Having said that if I was ever in that position again ( and I pray I never will be) I would go for medically supervised detox