Vastreaction

Hello everyone. It's shameful reading my old posts. I joined awhile back, seemed to have a solid understanding of my disease, and thought I was done drinking.

I just recently turned 29. I've been drinking fairly heavy for about 6 years, started out as a one/two night a week thing with friends, and gettin. drunk swiftly became a solo activity. I've had a few 'whoa, that was an eye-opener' binges but quickly decided that I could 'control my drinking.'

I started up again, heavier of course. At my worst i'm nearly a daily drinker, 4 beers or so to get buzzed and self-medicate my unsomnua/anxiety. On days off it's maybe 7-8 beers a night, so that's 2 days a week. Then I would binge here and there, starting in the morning, having hard liquor and drinking to cure my hangovers.

This behavior led to trouble in my current relationship, and we agreed that I should move out to give us some space. I moved into a nearby apartment, and the drinking got worse. More frequent binges, blackouts. I'm jealous by nature, so when in my deepest drunks, I know that i treated my girlfriend horribly.

Culmination of this whole thing: a 3 day binge beginning Saturday March 18th around 3 in the afternoon. I drank probably 12 beers, woke up still drunk and called in sick to work. Grabbed more beer, started over around 11 am. Drank all day, probably 12-14 beers. The rest of the time frame is fuzzy, but i know that i drank 2 six-packs of 16oz beers throughout monday, leading into tuesday at 7am. I stole 2-3oz of schnapps out of the cupboard around noon at my best guest.

Then i ran out of steam, and the severity of the situation hit me. I stopped then, and withdrawals hit quickly. I have been freaking out in bed with anxiety and insomnia since Tuesday. Drinking a lot of water, yesterday I managed to get a can of soup in me. Today, more soup. Gatorade, oatmeal and vitamin water. Both nights i have managed to sleep for 15 minutes perhaps. I'm incredibly dizzy with a strange headache. Spoke to an advice nurse, and managed to get an appointment with a doc tomorrow morning. She said that after 48 hours sober, if I have no profuse sweating, serious tremors,confusion or hallucination,the worst is over.

But I've jeapordized my job. Somehow I remained nice with my girlfriend on the phone and through text, lol, so that might be OK. This was my worst binge ever, I,m so glad to be sober but this insomnia is MURDER. I feel like I,m underwater. I'm sorry this is so long, I just couldn't stop spilling my guts. I don't have a bug support system, but I am done drinking, 100%. I will keep reading and posting, thanks for being here.