Yes, I want to visit often because I haven't gone through any support groups and I don't plan on it. I'm new to this area and I'm embarrassed and ashamed that I've let it get this far. I don't want anyone to know I have a problem.
I've done a lot of stupid things over the past year. I don't want to hurt my new BF with things that I could do if he's not around and I drink too much. And I'm tired of feeling hungover and crappy. I'm especially sick of the fact that I wake up each and every day with the intent to not drink...yet, inevitably, I end up tossed by the end of the night.
I also take Wellbutrin, and I think drinking totally negates any benefit I would otherwise get from it.
Oh, and no, I haven't seen my doctor about it. I've quit several times in the past year and, although my withdrawals are really bad, IMO, I don't think they warrant medical attention.
I made it 18 hours yesterday before caving - I was so proud of myself too!
I let my thoughts and cravings get the best of me and rationalized the drinking. I still had most of a fifth and I felt like no one in my life cared if I drank or not so what the hell. I wrote my BF a letter earlier that day about my deepest desire to quit or I know I'll die soon. There's no way I can keep up drinking near a fifth of the hard stuff daily and not kill myself soon. I had also asked him to please stop bringing home beer daily because it's just too hard for me to resist - at least for the first week. Anyway, when I saw him later, he said nothing about it. So I got all butthurt and decided I was just going to drink then.
When I can make it through today (I haven't had a sober day in 2 weeks), I'm going to feel so proud. I've gone a couple or a few days in the past and my BF thought it was laughable that I was so excited about it. I'm sure he thinks I'm pathetic and I'm really worried that he'll realize how bad my drinking is and will leave me.
Anyway, I'm suffering from a mad hangover today. And my BF told me last night he was going to finish his beer and not bring any more home. I couldn't even remember what I did last night, and I think it freaks my BF out. But I'm discovering that he doesn't like to talk much and I feel like I really need someone to talk to about this so here I am.
I've rationalized many a drink in the past to cure a hangover. As the hours pass, it's really all I can think about. I know it will get better after a few days, but lord help me, today is going to be tough.