checking in
Hi, not even gonna explain ---one word: disaster. Realized I've
Basically been high since Monday!!!!
I've got to get it together, it is getting more and more infected, my addiction -
Missed a meeting tonight coz didn't have a lift. Can get a lift 2mrw. MUST GO WILL GO
Come hell or high water (except this is hell already).
Officially broke up with boyf today. It HURTS, the memories. I'm even crying through my
Anti-depressants (the SSRI's actually physically blocks off the tear thing, at least with me)
So if I've broken through that chemical boundary then it must be really bad.
Someone asked do we have meets and rehabs here? Yes we have NA meetings but there are
No government rehabs. There is one out-patient centre. If u need to be in-patient then u have to have money or medical aid. There are state run rehabs but they are very far away, these are
Rehabs where drug-addicted criminals are ordered to go to. By the court. You know
But I am disturbed by a thought now. ______is no longer in my life. He was my boss and I started
Working there in about mid-Dec. The r/ship was very short. Obviously I know I know
Not good idea to date ur boss and he too had difficulty making a decision about it,
So we risked it.
Things fell apart.
He owns a print shop in ______ where I live. It's in a small shopping complex. We (they) printed tshirts, fax, photocopy, net,wi-fi, graphic design etc. I was so proud to work there. I've always struggled to find a job although I'm a freelance illustrator/fine artist. I suffer a lot with social
Anxiety that's why it was hard to find a job. And also they are scarce in this country.
So I was so pleased that I had a job that I liked!! But now it is all gone. About 3 weeks ago
I left, he never fired me. I just cldnt anymore. So my question to myself is: "what is there to get clean again for?". I absolutely cannot remember. Why? I've lost so much, is it worth it? But it must be right? I mean I don't want to die.
Thnx for reading