Relapse number 2
It's been 9 months since I visted the Sober Community forum. Today I am back because my A relapsed yesterday.
Today I am feeling all the usual emotions that come with relapse. I feel absolutely gutted but having been here once before I feel strangly calm too. I know thats because I accept I am powerless so why stress trying to change this. It doesn't stop me feeling heartbroken though.
Today I am absolutely exhausted. I had to stay awake all night long because he coughed and vomited in his sleep. I was too scared to go back sleep after that. Generally when drunk I leave him too it and in fact had done just that last night until I heard him choking and rushed in there to turn him onto his side.
The last 9 months have been brilliant for us so this relapse is shattering. My A always wanted to buy a house in the country so following his rehabilation treatment, we did just that and have been decoarting the house making it perfect. I don't think I have ever seen him so happy. It's the first time I saw a glimpse of the person he was before this disease stole him.
Unfortunately he stopped going to meetings 4 weeks ago. The first week he missed was genuine because he had caught a bug from his brother but the following three he did not attend he just made excuses. Tiered, worked late etc...
I tried to tell him it was a warning sign, but true to form he chose not to listen, said he was fine and now here we are .... again!
He has been to rehab twice. The first time he achieved 7 months sober without aftercare and this time 9 months by attending weekly AA meetings bar the last month.
I feel guilty for saying this but right now I dont have the energy to even want to help him this time.
I just feel like, what's the point? Sooner or later we end up right back where we started.
I haven't spoken to my A today nor this morning because I simply dont want too. Nothing I say makes any difference so again I just feel like what is the point of upsetting myself, feeling the frustration of talking to a brick wall in the throws of denial.
Right now I envy all the A's that can achieve long term sobriety when my A clearly can't.
I hope everyone is having a better day than me thats for sure!
3 months ago, buying our home felt like the best decision we ever made, now it feels like the worst.