Originally Posted by
flujays 
Lyoness, thanks so much for chiming in... you struck a chord when you mentioned the trust and abandonment issues. I know these are HUGE for me. I've always felt a deep sense of loneliness or being singular, like I'm truly alone in the world. I believe that this is a big part of why I started drinking. I always thought that once I had children, I wouldn't be alone anymore and all of my damaged bits and scars would simply fade away - I thought having children would cure all of my woes because I'd finally be part of a 'real' family. My children are the only thing that keeps me going sometimes, I love them so very deeply and yet I've continued to drink, knowing where I might end up and knowing it could damage them beyond repair. I'm so ashamed of that, so scared i won't make it and so horribly affraid of hurting the 3 little people who make my life worth living. Today is day 2. I will not drink today. Thanks everyone, you guys are gold.
You're welcome. I think what you describe is pretty common. I don't have the answers but I've come to realize that somehow I have to learn to feel at home in myself, to consider myself family, if that makes sense. I think it's probably a lifelong process of learning to trust--both myself and others and experiencing that trust being fulfilled to rewire ourselves. And it definitely helps to know we're not alone in this!
