Hermeticdog

Hi, I hope this is the right forum to post in. I just decided to join, after viewing threads and responses for about 9 months, now. I feel like I'm out of ideas on how to deal with my situation.

It started when I fell in love with this amazing man...I fell hard just over a year ago, although I've known him for a few years. I knew he was an alcoholic, but he was keeping it under control. It wasn't hard to deal with. He wasn't abusive, sans the abuse he was putting HIMSELF through, and some harsh names/words when the drinking got out of hand and we fought. He did punch a hole in the wall once, but never threatened me. He was holding a job, had friends, things seemed okay. We never wanted to be apart, did everything together. I was there for him through rough moments, he did the same for me. It stayed this way up until about a month ago. Of course, he stopped having friends a FEW months ago, but about a month ago, he decided to quit working. He says his job was "too stressful," and he knows he "will find another one soon." I'm getting sick of looking at the applications just sitting on the counter. One is half filled out, but that's IT. That's as far as his motivation took him. He stopped wanting to be around me as much, although I do know he loves me, he now spends a great deal of time drinking alone in another room. I recently got some devastating news, and while I was crying, he sat in the chair across from me, beer in hand. He did not attempt to comfort me, as he used to be so quick to do. He just watched me, as though I was some foreign creature he had never seen before.

Most days, he won't even eat anymore. He goes straight for a beer. This morning was when I really decided I had to post something, I need someone to offer advice. I had just got done cooking, things were fine, although I did get some anger when I glanced at the untouched apps...I DID NOT say a word to him about that, kept my upbeat attitude as I usually do...and ate alone. Well, with the dogs. He didn't want anything. I went about my day, and now, hours later, he's back in that room, drinking. I think it's his way of hiding his guilt, because I do know he feels very guilty about drinking and not working or helping around the house...but, I also know his love for the alcohol will always win against any guilt he may feel.

I have learned not to fight with him, not to nag him. None of that works. Up until today, I have believed I could live like this, because I adore the very ground he walks on. I was nervous when he quit his job, but also made myself feel like we could get through it. Maybe I believed he WOULD try to find another job. Maybe I thought he'd go back to being affectionate. He does say he loves me all the time, when I get to see him. I keep telling myself there's no reason to leave. He doesn't harm me, he doesn't harm my dogs, he barely makes a mess (he hardly eats, so no dishes. barely any laundry now that he isn't working, although he does still shower, it's just not as often. but, he's also good about cleaning up his beer cans!) I have absolutely NO reason to believe he may be cheating, he's affectionate, kind, caring toward me, loving, when he ISN'T hiding (which hiding has become a lot more common, now)...plus, I am desperately in love with him.

I have mentioned to him that I can't support him forever. His response was, "Something will open up." I've mentioned the apps, but he says most of those places are no longer hiring. Well, YEAH, that was A MONTH AGO that he got those apps!!! I do enable him by bringing home alcohol, but it keeps the peace between us. I have mentioned the "hiding," but he brushes it off, kisses me, tells me he loves me and things are fine and always will be fine, and he will never leave me.

I think at this point, although I love him the way I do, I feel like I MAY be ready to leave him to his own devices. I DON'T want to, but my mental AND financial states are suffering. I guess I just need advice. He lives with me and I don't know if he can find somewhere else to go. What do I do? Where do I turn? Is giving up the only option I have, when we live together and love each other dearly, and all I really want is to help him and save us? I am so lost, so confused, so desperate to figure out what decision I should make. I don't know what the best one would be, and I don't know how to clear my head. All I want to do is pull him out of that room, cry and convince him the drinking isn't worth it and we need to get our life back on track. I know it wouldn't work, but Lord knows how often I envision myself doing it.

Thanks, all, for hearing me out. I hope I made sense. I keep having outbursts of crying because I am sitting here alone. The dogs are asleep, and the man I love is locked in a room at the other end of the house...with what I fear to be his true love.