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Old 03-20-2013, 05:41 AM   #1 (permalink)
partofmyjourney
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 46

Scared I'll never beat this... Feeling like a lost cause :(


So it's almost midnight and on my third failed "tapering" attempt. I thought if I cut down I could reduce the chance of nasty withdrawal, tonight I planned 6 standard but here I am on my 9th. I'm scared. I have an appt with a psychiatrist Tuesday and will tell him what's happening but I am feeling so alone, so desperate and destitute right now. My husband keeps saying "just stop" but I really thought I may be at risk for severe withdrawal so tried to cut down, but it hasn't worked. I'm not really in a position to do detox but wonder what other choice I have? I spoke with a lovely guy on the aa line last night and it helped alot but I felt so tired and wrecked today that I did not go to the meeting.
I'm terrified atm. I want to just stop but really am worried about how I will feel. And worst of all I keep thinking how unfair it is I can't just have a drink here and there. I KNOW I am an alcoholic; my mother was too and I always thought "why can't you just stop" but she never did. I'm confused and a mess. Yet still drinking.
It's not fun anymore. I need someone to talk to who understands. I'm worried to go to aa in such a small community but might have to bite that bullet. If I see a dr- what can they do to help? Should I ask my hubby to take some time off to make sure I am ok?
Has anyone here been through dts- how long can they last? Feeling like I've hit a wall.
Why do I glamorise & romanticise alcohol in my mind? Why when I have stopped does every book, movie and ad I see say "drink more--- it's fun & relaxing?". This is part of what makes it so hard for me; alcohol is accepted everywhere and I feel like a social outcast to say "no thanks".
Alcoholism is a disease and I am sick with (and of) it right now. It is progressive; from a few to a few more to far to many. I need help but what do I do? I have children that need me and don't know what to do. Today I went into the post office to pick up a package and there were 20+ fridge magnets saying things like "mummy needs wine", "my glass is always half full of wine" "mum realised she only needed one glass a day (with a HUGE glass 3x the woman's size in the pic), and "women can't survive on chocolate alone; they need wine too".... Wtf. Not what I needed to see....
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