k10w3...sometimes it's just helpful to remember that what the "heart" feels is not necessarily reliable. I think somewhere deep inside my own issues there was a deep romanticism that wanted to hang on to hope by the last frayed thread, and I mistakenly thought that if I loved him it had to be right. How could I walk away from love??
We are brought up with a lot of sayings like "follow your heart" and "love heals everything" but when it comes to addiction these saying are empty and false, they just aren't true. Sometimes, as codependents (those of us in the intimate connection/company of dependency) we become addicted to hope. We can become addicted to the endorphins that are released by out attraction to others...to the affection he was so good at. It can seem overwhelming to get out from under the mess of a long term financially enmeshed relationship. It can seem easier to just stay...but that probably isn't true a lot of the time either.
I'm just saying that you aren't alone, all of us here have had to make our decisions...or not make them, as the case may be. From all of the details of your story I would have to say I agree with your daughter. He sounds horribly selfish and it sounds like he totally uses you. What are you getting out of your relationship with him? Maybe google up some list of the "signs of a healthy relationship" and compare your own story.
Glad you are here, checking in for yourself and opening up.
There are a lot of ways to find support, al-anon is awesome!
With a little openness, honesty, and support you may well find yourself gaining empowerment and clarity...