I know that I am in no position to question what is the will of anyone other than myself...be it God, my husband, my children or my friends.
I have a life. I make choices. Things happen. I make more choices. More things happen.
I have friends who die for no reason. I have no say in that. I have a choice in my reaction. I rage, I cry, I question, I rebel and then I accept that it happened. I have no say in the reasons that it happens.
I liken my choices in living with an alcholic husband to living with the rest of my life. There are some things in which I have NO SAY at all, such as my husband being a drunk or my friends dying. There are plenty of things that I have a total say in...after grief I can help my friend's family raise their child. I can love my husband. I can be a good person.
Bad things happen. I can't stop that. What happens after the bad stuff...well some that that I have a HUGE say it...other things, I have no say it.
I find that if I am quiet and if I am peaceful and if I listen. I just know...I know that I can do and what I can't do. I have no rights in questioning WHY things happen. I have a big part is doing WHAT needs to happen after I listen long enough to hear about the path I need to take.
I have learned that when I am screaming for answers, I can't hear.
Jenny