Read it again...
She is capable, she can get her life together and will when she is ready. Is she ready now, who knows,and she may not even know. But that is ok, because she took a chance.
What you need for you, need to do for you has nothing to do with her.
When she comes out of rehab is she recovered, no…is she on her way to a better life, yes…
How should you treat her? As if she went to rehab to get her life together, treat her as you would wish to be treated, with respect and that she is capable of helping herself. Hell you should treat her with respect and dignity no matter if she is using or not. But that is how I feel.
If I had to encourage anything it would be for her to go into sober living, would I force it no, not from your end. If I was on the outside and she asked I would actually tell her to not go home and to continue to work on herself. I would encourage you to work on you, nothing more.
If she is try, trying again, that is her … that has NOTHING to do with you.
If you are trying, trying again , bending breaking accepting unacceptable behavior hoping that you somehow control how she will be, that will keep you sick. And it is all on you.
Enabling, defined as doing something for someone they are capable of doing themselves.
Can you live with someone in “active” addiction and not enable … this is an interesting question…Everyone has their own opinion there, but my answer would be yes. For how long, again my feeling only, oh not forever I don’t believe not for me anyway. In getting myself well I would not be able to, and it would have nothing to do with any addiction.
Should you protect yourself sure, should your protect your finances, well sure. Do you allow those in your home you can’t trust … NO… and do you know why, because it won’t be healthy for you, but it also won’t bring healthy reactions toward them. Make sense?
Resentment, what are yours and have you thought to address them…
Kinda like the lies, all this they lie, hello addict, surely makes sense and is very simple, and their lies mean nothing because it will be the ones you tell yourself.
She stole … do you see thief?
Why did she steal to feed her habit, would she have stolen if she wasn’t in active addiction probably not….do you see the dilemma. Which leads to how to treat her, should she come home from rehab and be treated as if she is in active addiction, which btw has nothing to do with actually taking a drug… What do you think? How should you treat her?
You didn’t ask what you should do if she relapses….
I would make your boundaries clear. I would say them once, because she did hear you that first time.
I would not make or say anything you will not be backing up with actions. And you need to understand that your boundaries have nothing to do with her, they are about your peace and health…not as some reaction to her using and thinking if you toss her out it will make her better, or if you reaction in this way, she will then see…
I know this is hard to understand and I also know what it is like to live with someone in active addiction, and then someone in recovery. I removed myself totally from my husband’s addiction, it was his, he was a big boy, he could find his way out. I encouraged him to do whatever he felt necessary, and kept any assignment to myself. I didn’t treat him differently, he had responsibilities just as I did. Heroin didn’t remove them, nothing did, they were still here.
I stopped asking why, I stopped needing to know how he felt or what was in his head. I bit my tongue a lot with my need to know. I didn’t assign anything as being good and or bad for, everything was a lessons he needed to learn, and mine were different. There were no reactions to using and you know you don’t get this medal cause you didn’t either, it doesn’t work like that. He needed to be the one that cared enough to reclaim his life, just as I needed to be the one to reclaim mine. Heroin took nothing from me, I gave it all away. My reactions were mine having nothing to do with him… I had my own fair share of amends to make.
I answer from such a different place but then I removed using or not using as a gauge to anything, because no one was responsible for my life but me, nor my reactions, nor my happiness….