Thank you all. Ummm....I don't have any answers. I attempted suicide when I was 17 (like really tried, 3 bottles of sleeping pills, coma for a week) and spent a couple of months in psych hospitals. Over the years I've been to rehab a few times, psych stays a couple of times, and so on. No answers. AA has never worked for me cuz I'm an atheist/agnostic/whatever. I think I'd like the sober community part of AA but the religious side of it just turns me away. I guess that's why I'm here.