This sucks
Made it 5 days then my neighbor offered me a beer while we were fixing our shared fence. I should've said no but I didn't. Now it's two days drunk later. My outward life is awesome. Sure I lost my marriage but I don't think that would have lasted anyway. I have a great job, awesome kids, nice home, etc. I can't figure out why I keep doing this to myself?? I know when my addiction, aka escape from pain, started. When I was 9 years old two things happened. My parents got divorced and I was sexually assaulted. I'm a dude and I was raped at knife point at age 9 by a stranger. Anyway, that's when it all began. I started drinking (sneaking it from my mom) shortly after that. I never think about what happened anymore, even when sober, but I know that's why I'm where I'm at now. It's weird cuz the pain I wanted to escape from doesn't exist anymore but now the solution has become the problem. Help!!!