wildhorses - I'm sorry you are going through this. I am pretty new to this site too and I at times I'm really struggling. I've found Al Anon and this site to be very helpful. I"m SLOWLY getting myself back. I go to 2-3 Al Anon meetings a week and I always feel better after a meeting. This site has provided me comfort too when I don't have a meeting or when things are a little crazy. I am too new to give advice other than this site is a blessing and there are so many people that have great experience and feedback. Just wanted to show my support and send hugs!