Originally Posted by
wildhorses 
I'll be honest, I've never gotten true help before because I just wanted OUT of this whole "disease, addict, 12 steps, meetings, family day at rehab, etc" world, the whole thing. I just wanted to cut anyone off completely the moment they showed signs of addiction and be done with it, but it isn't that easy. I went to one ACoA meeting and the second I heard them doing the 12 steps I was done, because it made me feel like I was joining my dad's world, where he did the 12 steps in rehab and I wanted nothing to do with that. I then just cut him off and tried moving on. But, alas, here I am. I can't just get away that easy. So I am going to try my best to go to meetings, have an open heart and mind, and really try and get better. I hope I can. I'm so mad at my dad for doing this to me.
I'm right there with you. I told my STBXAH that alcoholism was a dealbreaker for me. He was sober when we met and I thought that it would be ok but things turned out a much differently and it was hard for me to enforce the boundary when the time came. I did do it eventually but it took way more then it should have.
As someone who has studied behavioral change and theories associated with it I have my gripes with any 12 step program. I'd like to think that I can just acknowledge my awful family history (alcoholism on my dads side and a bunch of other turmoil) and move on. Unfortunately sometimes it isn't so easy.
Growing up as an ACOA is really really hard and although 12 step methodology seems cheesy I think you can use what is helpful and disregard the rest. I go to meeting sporadically and read when I can't get there. Even a few meetings have been helpful.
I hope you can find something that works for you whatever it is! You're not alone at all in this!