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Old 03-17-2013, 07:10 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
LexieCat
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
OK, just hold on for a minute. Stop. Breathe.

Now, think about what you just said to him. "If you drink at all I am leaving." REALLY? Are you ready to draw that line in the sand just yet? I hope so, because there is absolutely no point in making those kinds of pronouncements until and unless you are one hundred percent willing to back it up. Every time you say something like that, and nothing happens, it is nothing more than "blah, blah, blah" to them.

My own IMPRESSION is that you are NOT ready to leave him right now, and that you are giving him these ultimatums to get him to stop drinking. Ultimatums don't work. What they do is either make him angry and resentful (giving him more excuses to drink), or he will get even better at hiding it.

So if you are NOT ready to leave him the next time he takes a drink, my suggestion is that you back off the issue, spend a little more time around these forums and in Al-Anon, and learn a little bit more about boundaries and other tools that will help you to calm down and think rationally about what you really want for your life. If his drinking continues to trouble you to the point where you cannot and will not put up with it any longer, then start making plans to leave.

You will NOT be able to stop him from drinking, but you CAN make a good life for yourself.
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