Thank you for your honest replies. I hope I didnt give the wrong impression with the "almost anything" comment. I just meant I loved these friends so much I would have risked my life to save them from harm.
I thought a lot about what you said BlueSkies. Honestly as far as I saw it we had a close friendship. This man encouraged me to start my own business of provided a model a sort for it almost two decades ago. I looked up to him as a colleague. I'd been a 16yr old runaway just surviving on my own then became newly married at and was starting a new life. I knew that my friend had a stressful life, but he acted a stand up man and I was friends with his wife and knew his children and grandchildren and have watched them grow up. They have watched ME grow up. I was 21 when I moved here and Im going on 40 now.
Yet there was another side that I didnt fully understand. One that they were remarkably good at hiding and explaining away. I saw hints of it, but I loved them and felt that they had good hearts and wanted to see them conquer their personal challenges, as we all have, and live happy lives. Sometimes I talked to my husband if he didnt seem happy to see me and he would remind me that they had their own problems and it probably wasnt about me. Perhaps he suspected more than I did. I can be pathetically naive. I was always bringing gifts and we traded services more times than I can count. I met many wonderful people through them and I truly felt LUCKY to be THEIR friend. Now I feel like it's the opposite. Like I was taken for a ride and partly advantage of.
Thats what I mean about feeling wary. When you love people you want to think the best of them. As a loyal friend you aren't going bail at the first hint of problems in my book. Do you guys think they took advantage of that with me? Do they do it knowlingly? Or is it the disease?
Thats the hardest part of disengaging for me is the thought that Im giving up on someone. Its just the opposite of everything I've ever believed. I am a fiercely loyal friend and proud of it. The sad thing is they are not the only ones I have this kind of friendship with and am going through this 360*. I guess I was attracted to this and they to me. And I didnt give up on anyone until now. I feel guilty. I have new healthier friends now but underneath it all feels kind of empty because of the loss of the old ones. When do you start to feel better?
~LG