I can only share what loving detachment looks like for me, not necessarily what it should look like for anyone else.
Loving Detachment for me is employing tools of my recovery to prevent me from getting inappropriately involved with my son's life. It is having firm boundaries that are there to protect me, my recovery, and my sanctuary (my home). It is also respecting his boundaries.
One of the most important tools for me is to refrain from commenting about his life or engaging in "motherly" behaviors of trying to correct his thinking and actions. I've learned to use words like "I see" or "ok" and leave it at that. He's a man and I try to respect that he can make choices and I don't have to agree with those choices.....I also don't have to comment on them.
It would be very hard for me to live with my son even in recovery. And it is simply impossible for me to live with my son in active addiction. That is a boundary for me. And it is indelible.....it is not a line in the sand that can be brushed away and moved.
Loving detachment for me is simply not getting inappropriately engaged or enmeshed in another person's life. Any other person.....not just my son. It is being able to love them but allowing them to be an individual. I can choose to be around that individual or not depending upon how their actions, behaviors, and beliefs affect me. It doesn't mean that I don't love them, it simply means that I am taking care of my own emotional, psychological, physical, and spiritual needs first. Not in a selfish way....but in a healthy self caring way.
That is what healthy detachment looks like for me. What would you like it to look like for you?
gentle hugs
ke