Thank you, pianogirl and Kindeyes, for the support.
The CoDA meeting was not quite what I expected, and I'm not sure that it's really 'for me.' I've never been to a 12-step meeting of any kind, but I guess I thought that the 'sharing' would be more of a give and take, like you share something and the other members give some sort of feedback. I didn't realize that you just share your story and then everyone just sits there in silence until someone else shares. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, and perhaps at a later date, it may help me. But right now, maybe because I'm still in the very early stages or maybe just because of how I am, I need to be able to share and get some kind of feedback, definitely more of a give and take. I'm tempted to try that Al-Anon meeting that I gave up going to last night in favor of the CoDA meeting, but if it's the same kind of thing, I don't think that will help me right now. Right now, the SR community does an amazing job of giving me the give and take that I really need right now.
And some good news - that therapist called me back yesterday afternoon! He said that the number listed on the internet is not a good number to reach him at, that he has a lot of trouble retrieving messages from that number and gave me a better number to reach him. My appt is still a week and a half away, and even then, the first appt is more a 'get to know each other, see if we click' kinda thing, so I still won't be able to get into the nitty-gritty right away, but I also appreciate that initial 'try out' appt, because (surprise, surprise!) I have trouble saying no to people or feeling like I'm letting them down. And that was one of my fears about going to a therapist, that what if I didn't feel comfortable around them but didn't have the nerve to tell them I don't want to continue treating with them. So I'm glad I can see if I feel comfortable with this guy before moving ahead and most likely sharing some very intimate details of my life with him!!
Other than that, I've joined a gym, and I might start crocheting again. Out of all the hobbies I've ever tried, my two favorites were crocheting and jewelry-making. I'm not really feeling the jewelry-making right now, but I think crocheting will help to calm my mind while being therapeutic at the same time. Then I thought, well what am I going to do with all these blankets?? And then I thought, maybe I could donate them to a homeless shelter or something like that? In the past, I volunteered several times to cook/serve at a homeless shelter and it always made me feel so good to help people who are struggling and also made me so much more appreciative of how blessed I actually am. In addition, I ordered Women Who Love Too Much, Codependent No More and Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl: The Definitive Guide to Understanding Emotionally Unavailable Men and the Women Who Love Them, so I have some good reading to keep me busy!!
I still have a long way to go, and some days are definitely worse than others, especially when that searing pain comes from out of the blue and knocks me down again, but for now at least, for this exact moment in time, I'm doing okay. Thanks for caring.
